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It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
05 November 2008, 4:23 PM
Do you ever feel like breaking down? Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong and no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away? Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud that no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like when nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like to be like me...
And somehow I blame him. Blamed him for making me end up like this. Blamed him for hurting me so much until I'm like this. Or is it just that I've become like this? I don't know. I longed for an answer. An answer to my prayer, to my dilemma.
I guess I shouldn't blame him. I should just accept the fact that I'm like this. I should just accept the fact that while I see happy couples together, I can only think "How I wish I were her".
I've met alot of good guys all these while. I've never met anyone so good before. But yeah, I've met a number. Any sane person would just accept their love, would treasure them, and learn to love them. I guess I'm insane. I'd be all cautious, wondering why are they so nice to me. I'd even want them to stop liking/loving me, to move on. And it's because I'm sure that it's too early. It's too early to love again, after him, even though it has been 6 months. 6 months. For alot, they might find someone new by 6 months. Even though I'm totally over him, I still feel crushed. I didn't dare like anyone else. Even though it has been 6 months. I don't know how long it'll last. A year or 2? Or maybe even eternity? To me, love life is not that important anymore. I live on school, music, movies and friends maybe. Cuz even my friends seem to have fade away. It was always only Emmanuel there. And I guess I'm used to being with him. He was such a good friend.wish he could be with me all day long. {Don't get me wrong, I'm NOT in love with him!} But I just realized that he has his own life out there too. So what can I do? Eat MARS till I'm heavier than Earth while crying? Of course not. And that's why I'm feeling so fucked up. Everything became a mess since him. So do I blame him or do I not? And what I'm afraid the most is hurting someone. He is so sweet and nice and all. I couldn't bear to be the 7th person to hurt him. No, I can't. And I'm trying not to. But I believe love can't be forced. And love can't be nurtured. I've tried, and failed, and perhaps gotten that person hurt.
I've got lots more to say. But some things are better off without being said.
And to that someone, I don't know what's the perfect thing to say. Is it "I'm sorry"?
I guess we both could only wait and see what the future brings us, yeah?
I woke up at around noon, and have been using the com since then.
And oh it's very very very fun! Right. {I was being sarcastic, if you realized}
Oh, I guess this will be my more-to-come typical boring Wednesday. How fun.
And while people go "I love him/her I miss him/her so badly", I'll go "So how does it feel like? I forgot that feeling. It has been like 6 months". Very fun, indeed.
I better get going before I start being a sarcastic bastard. Haha. Not funny.
Okay bye people, I'm gonna play Super Mario now and do my Math homework later.
Yeap, you saw it right, Math Homework. And no I'm not being sarcastic this time, no.
I wanna scream it all out, then cry it all out. What a bloody life.